Pope Burns His Fingers While Picking Up Bible

Pope Burns His Fingers While Picking Up Bible

Vatican proclaims miracle when water turns to blood

By Greg Szymanski, JD
Jan. 19, 2010

The Vatican reported today that Pope Ratzinger finally put his hands on a Bible for the first time in his life, suffering severe third degree burns to his thumbs and fingers.

After touching the sacred book, eye-witnesses heard the Pope scream in German:

“My God I told everyone this book was dangerous!”

Still in severe pain, the Pope, better known in inner circles as Pontifix Maximus or Agent Lucifer 666, reportedly then quickly dipped his hands in a basin of holy water.

Upon seeing the water turn bloody red, Vatican officials immediately issued a release proclaiming the Pope had performed two miracles.

The first being he finally held a Bible in his hands and the second being that he miraculously turned water into blood.

The miracles are being recorded for Vatican posterity in the secret archives along with many other Luciferian miracles, according to Vatican officials.

For example, it can be found in the archives hidden in the Vatican catacombs, the remnants of the first Bible ever burned by the anti-Reformation Jesuit henchman.

Also locked away neatly in a golden hat box is the head of the first Protestant ever beheaded by the Jesuits in the Protestant Reformation dating back to the early 1500s.

Both the Bible which burned Ratzinger’s fingers and the water turned to blood have been moved to the secret archives along side many other bloody artifacts.

“I think we are finally seeing the power of the Pope,” said one of his under-Secretary Cardinals. “It won’t be long now before we have all the bibles locked away in the secret archives.

“And it won’t be long before the Pope will be turning the waters of the entire world bloody red like we did in the dark ages.”

Hearing about the Pope’s latest miracles, President Obama immediately got down on his knees and began chanting “my lord, my lord, what powers you possess” as he faced east toward the Vatican and his master in Rome.

The White House also issued a statement saying the President “knew the Pope was one hell of a miraculous, dude,” adding “I expect to see more bloody miracles unfolding all over the world especially in war torn Afghanistan and Iraq where the Pope, our leader, has vowed to turn much water into blood.”

Although day after day you hear on CNN and ABC how Obama and the Pope are men of peace, it seems this story somehow slipped through the cracks like many others telling the real truth behind the intentions of the Vatican and the U.S. government.

Editor’s Note: If you believe the stories you read about Obama, Bush, Clinton and the Pope on CNN and ABC, then you should have no trouble believing the story above, both having about the same credibility. But, my, isn’t it fun giving the evil-doers a little taste of their own bloody medicine!

One thought on “Pope Burns His Fingers While Picking Up Bible

  1. “Truly the signs of an apostle were wrought among you in all patience, in signs, and wonders, and mighty deeds.” 2 Cor. 12:12

    “I know thy works, and thy labour, and thy patience, and how thou canst not bear them which are evil: and thou hast tried them which say they are apostles, and are not, and hast found them liars:” Revelation 2:2.

    “No pope can perform a miracle, a genuine or true miracle, to prove that God has made him infallible. And when we contemplate the great import of the doctrine, and remember that Prophets and Apostles performed miracles to prove their infallibility, we cannot be deemed exorbitant or unreasonable in requiring the pope to favor us with a miracle, afore we believe in his infallibility.”

    A lot of good old books at Google books that quote is from from “Anti-popery, or, Popery unreasonable, unscriptural, and novel” by John Rogers (1843).

    Like

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